


Sick Day

by Khoshekh42



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Fluff, M/M, cecil is sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 08:03:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10737552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khoshekh42/pseuds/Khoshekh42
Summary: Cecil is sick, and Carlos has to take over his show after the Weather.





	Sick Day

Cecil: *sounding stuffed up* The Earth is nothing but dirt, water, and a billion other things. Those billion things are us. Welcome to Night Vale.

 

Music: *plays*

 

Cecil: Listeners, I’m… I’m dying. I won’t be with you much longer. This may be my last broadcast. Um, Jonas is holding up a sign, I can’t read it exactly. Bring it closer. Oh. Jonas says it’s just a cold and I’m being dramatic. Well. Listeners, this is no mere cold. It’s awful. I applied for a sick day a few days ago today because, obviously, I got the letter in the mail from no one saying that I’d be sick today, but Station Management denied my sick day. Something about needing everyone here because Station Management was to be staying home today to take care of City Council, who is, coincidently, also sick today. So here I am listeners, suffering through for you guys. You know, *sniff* it’s because of you that I love this job. That and the fantastic coffee in the break room. Just like I like it, as I’ve said, dark and impossible to sleep through. But I never thought when I signed up for this job that I’d have so many of you guys that supported me, *sniffs again* and I- I don’t think I could have gotten through some of the horrors that this job offered without you. *wails dramatically* I just love you all so much. Oh, *sniffs, gaining composure* Jonas is holding up another sign. I really can’t read your handwriting Jonas, you have to bring that closer. I have to get to the… mews? News! Oh. Right. Today marks the hundredth anniversary of the public library. Um, *distracted* thank you to all the brave defenders who have entered… and battled… I’m sorry listeners, it’s just really hard for me today. I love you all, and it pains me to have to leave you guys like this. I thought I would die out investigating something. But apparently it’ll be a disease that’ll get me. Jonas is pressing a note up against the glass. It is just a cold. Jonas. It isn’t just a cold, it can’t just be a cold. It is sooo much worse. See I have this massive headache, I can’t breathe properly, I feel all ache-y, and everything seems all funky when I move my head. Oh! We’re getting a call. Alright caller, what do you have to say on the matter?

 

Caller: *loud growls*

 

Cecil: *nervously* Station Management. How, uh, nice to hear from you!

 

Station Management: *louder growl*

 

City Council: *in the background* I’m huuuuuuungry

 

Cecil: Oh! Say hello to the City Council for me.

 

Station Management: *grooooowwwwlll*

 

Cecil: Yes I’ll get back to the news.

 

Station Management: *hangs up, presumably to get City Council something to eat*

 

Cecil: *still stuffed up* Right. Isn’t that nice that Station Management took their first day off in, ever, to take care of their… partner? Partners? Oh that reminds me, *adoringly* Carlos is coming over to eat during the weather. He’s been very busy with science recently and we haven’t been able to talk in person for a while now and- Jonas is reminding me that I was supposed to get back to the news. Ahem. The Almighty Glow Cloud- all hail- is making suggestions to permanently end the ban on pens and other writing utensils. They say that it will make it easier for children to do their work with less screaming. Of course the alternative for pens and pencils have been using your own blood to write can be a rather painful process, but I don’t see that that’s any reason to lift any bans around here. The Glow Cloud proposed the lift of this ban under the circumstance of the fact that pens and pencils… are not dangerous. Well surely they are… dangerous… somehow. The City Council surely wouldn’t enact a ban on something so important unless they found it to be dangerous somehow. I’ll ask Carlos about the dangers of writing utensils later. During the weather. Then I’ll come back to you about it right after the weather. The vote on lifting the ban on pens and pencils will happen tomorrow, seeing as the City Council is currently ill. *sniff* As I am. In other news, like I said earlier, it is the hundredth anniversary of the public library. I have to remind the town that entering the library is very dangerous. You must not enter the library today under any circumstances. The librarians are only stronger today. And now, for a word from our sponsors.

 

Cecil: *not stuffed up, a prerecording* Are you an amphibian? Are you a pterodactyl? Are you a sentient patch of haze? Were you a marigold in a previous life? If you answered yes to any of the previous questions, then you need water! Come to your nearest water supply. We sell water, now only $27.39 per 45 fluid ounces. Which is cheap! We guarantee it! Buy water today at: *slowly and distorted* Target.

 

Cecil: *once again, stuffed up* Listeners… I’ve only gotten worse. I might not make it to my next show. I probably- Oh! *suddenly cheery* Listeners! It’s a call from Carlos, here, I’ll put it on speaker. Carlos, you’re on speaker on the air

 

Carlos: *unfazed* Hey honeybunch. How are you feeling, you don’t sound great.

 

Cecil: I’m dying Carlos. Goodbye my lovely, perfectly imperfect Carlos.

 

Carlos: Cecil, you had a cold this morning. Unless something has gotten you in the time you left our home this morning, then you aren’t dying.

 

Cecil: It’s not a cold it’s the plague.

 

Carlos: *sighing* It’s not any sort of plague, Cecil, you’re being dramatic.

 

Cecil: But my head feels like it’s going to fall off.

 

Carlos: *giggling slightly* It’s not going to fall off, Cecil. You only have a cold, not anything worse.

 

Cecil: Why are you laughing at your dying boyfriend?

 

Carlos: *adoringly* You’re cute when you’re exaggerating.

 

Cecil: *mumbling* I’m not exaggerating.

 

Carlos: Kay, babe, I’ll see you soon for lunch, I have to go work on science now.

 

Carlos: *hangs up*

 

Cecil: Isn’t he just great? Well, Jonas is telling me it’s time to get back to the news, so I suppose I’ll do that. Oh! But before I get to that there’s a school dance happening at the Night Vale intermediate school and guess who got asked? Janice was in the library and the person she likes found her and told her that they’d been looking for her. And then they asked her to the dance! I’m so happy and so proud of her! Go Janice! Now for the horoscopes.

 

Cecil: Virgo: It’s your day in some universe! But just realize that if it isn’t your day in this universe you will be completely eviscerated.

 

Cecil: Scorpio: Uuuggghhhhh

 

Cecil: Capricorn: Don’t bother the slug today. You don’t know what she’s going through.

 

Cecil: Pisces: You’ve won *unenthusiastically* a brand new car.

 

Cecil: Taurus: Today is the day for you to go do that thing you’ve been wanting to. Will you succeed today? Probably not, but you should try anyway!

 

Cecil: Cancer: What do you want to do today? Go do something… not fun. You are not allowed to have fun today. We hate you today.

 

Cecil: Libra: You are very… pretty… today. We hope you don’t… spill anything on that nice shirt. That’d… be a shame.

 

Cecil: Sagittarius: You’re going to be very, very scared of that movie you want to see. Is it supposed to be scary?

 

Cecil: Aquarius: Don’t do that. Or that. Or that. Especially not that. Just, god, stop doing things.

 

Cecil: Aries: It doesn’t matter what you say in your report, you will fail it.

 

Cecil: Gemini: You won’t meet your soulmate today. Or tomorrow. You will never be happy.

 

Cecil: Leo: Don’t be afraid of spiders. No, snakes. No, wait. Sorry. Be very afraid of snakes. Much better.

 

Cecil: Well. Today doesn’t seem a great day for anyone… And now, finally, for the Weather. 

 

Weather: *Don’t Get Married Without Me: Punch Brothers*

 

Carlos: Um, hey? Cec?

 

Cecil: *snoring*

 

Carlos: Oh. What? Oh, Cecil’s new intern is telling me that I’m on air right now… Um, Cecil is asleep. I went to the restroom while we were eating lunch and I guess Cecil just fell asleep. I’ve been telling him he needs more sleep. I don’t really want to wake him up, but I suppose he does have a show to finish. Um, Cecil? Hey you gotta get up.

 

Cecil: *snoring*

 

Carlos: Cecil… Oh dear… What do I do? The intern is telling me to… what does that say? I do the show? I’m a scientist not a radio show host. I guess there’re notes here. Here I’m going to have to move you Cecil.

 

Cecil: *snoring*

 

Carlos: Oof!

 

Cecil: *thunk*

 

Carlos: Oh shi- shoot. Cecil? Are you okay?

 

Cecil: *snoring*

 

Carlos: … I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s see. He’s covered the library, umm….

 

Door: *opens*

 

Jonas: *whispering*

 

Carlos: Oh! Thank you. Okay, it looks like the intern-

 

Jonas: *whispering*

 

Carlos: Jonas- was able to get into City Council’s… home? And talked to them about the Glow Cloud’s pen- oh wait, all hail the glow cloud and all that- pen proposal.

 

Cecil: *murmuring* All hail…

 

Carlos: Heh. He’s cute when he’s asleep. *pause* Anyway, Jonas went to the City Council’s home and the City Council has said that pens and pencils are very dangerous and can’t be used by any citizen of night vale unless part of a dire circumstance, such as poetry week and the man in the tan jacket. Okay, hold on, I don’t understand, how are pens dangerous? I mean, sure you could probably stab someone with them but you could stab someone with a sword, but swords aren’t illegal. You know, it’s very hard to do science with just chalk and human blood. For one, whenever you need more blood-ink you have to leave the lab because injuring yourself in a science lab can be very dangerous as we’re always using dangerous chemicals, and also just because it hurts. I mean we can’t use just do all of your calculations and doodles of the word science on a chalkboard, you have to do some on paper. And also blood is messy, and sometimes interferes with chemicals that we’re working on. We were working on a new way to draw out the words ‘I <3 science’ once, and Melissa spilled the entire bottle of blood on the floor, and we had to all go out and draw blood to restock. It took ages after that because we had to wait for the cuts to heal, and as we all know it’s very dangerous to do science if you don’t have the proper surroundings or the proper equipment, and this was a very sophisticated project, so we were set back by at least a week. I’m with the Glow Cloud- all hail-

 

Cecil: *mumbling* All haaaill.

 

Carlos: … Right yeah, I think that we should lift the ban on writing utensils. In other news, what? Oh thank you Jonas. Oh! It’s a note from City Council. It reads:

 

Danger. Pens are Danger. Writing is Danger. Ideas are Danger.

 

Carlos: Hang on, is this trying to say that having an idea is dangerous? Is that why there’s a ban on writing utensils? Because the government doesn’t want us to have ideas of our own? I- I can’t even express how angry that makes me. I am a scientist. A scientist’s whole job is to- to have, ugh! To have ideas, and to act on those ideas, and try to prove those ideas. How are we supposed to be scientists when the government is covertly trying ban ideas? I’m a scientist damn it! And I’m proud of being one. So if the government wants to ban ideas *shouting slightly* they’ll have to go through me first!

 

Cecil: *words blurring together* Carlos? Why’re you shouting?

 

Carlos: Oh! Oh Cecil, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, I was just… getting overexcited.

 

Cecil: Why- why are you in my chair? Why am I on the floor?

 

Carlos: Well, you kind of fell asleep while I was in the restroom, and then the weather ended, so… I started doing your show. I’m sorry, I should have just woken you up, but you’re sick and you looked so peaceful while you were slee- you’re smiling.

 

Cecil: Why would I be upset? I mean, Station Management wouldn’t be very happy, but I’m fine with you doing my show. I’m sure you did wonderfully. I’m *yawning* I might just go back to sleeeep.

 

Carlos: No, Cec, please, I don’t know how to do your-

 

Cecil: *snoring*

 

Carlos: Show. Well. I guess I’ll move on. *mumbling to self* traffic? I still don’t get how that’s traffic, *louder* Aha! Children’s fun fact science corner, that’s always fun. Plus *proudly* I do know science.

 

Carlos: Let’s see what this one is about. Peafowl, interesting. Peafowl are the creature of the almighty Hun-

 

Carlos: No! None of this is even remotely factual! I’ll do a real report on peafowl. 

 

Carlos: See, the female is the peahen, and the male is the peacock. When mating, the peacock will flash its nice tail feathers at the peahen, but a new research shows that peahens pay little attention to the tail feathers, and will actually look at the iridescent feathers just below the peacock’s neck. The scientific name for the Indian Peafowl is Pavo cristatus, pavo coming from the Latin word meaning peacock. And- and Jonas is telling me to get back on script? Listen, Jonas, I will not be the one spreading lies on air, I mean, honestly! Who even is this ‘Almighty Huntokar’ anyway? Wasn’t there something with roaches…? Anyway, whoever Huntokar is, I highly doubt he’s going to ‘destroy the world we know’ or that he is ‘the only true deity anyway’. What is that, Jonas?

 

Carlos: *hushed* Oh. I am being told by Jonas that Station Management is… well, they’re not happy. I don’t know how Jonas knows this, but I am being told to get off the air, and that the only real, true, and lawful radio host is Cecil himself. Well. In that case….

 

Carlos: Listen next for… The sound of human screams so terrified and in pain that you won’t be able to sleep for three weeks. And good night, Night Vale. Good night.


End file.
